I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
