Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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