sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
