I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
