If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
birth control should be required to get into college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
