i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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