The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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