benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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