you have to choose: penises or morals?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
