trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
