I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
