i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
