I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
