i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
