i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
