Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
