I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
