two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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