i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I could make wine with my vomit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will pee on everything he values.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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