I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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