There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
