Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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