Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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