in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
