Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
