The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
