what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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