I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
