Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
