you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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