The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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