you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
