so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
