My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
