when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
