I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
