I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
