I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
