one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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