If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
