you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
