i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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