I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
