It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
