guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
