i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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