I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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