"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
