the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize