Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
