And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Blood and glitter go together right?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
