I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
