I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
