Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
