i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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