You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
