I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
