She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
