do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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