this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
