i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
