Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize