went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
