I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Terrible idea I love it
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