therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
