i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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