Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
wow bdsm is so cute
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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