well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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