The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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