I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
