so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
