I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
