OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize