note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
