Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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