TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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