i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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