you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
