I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
