the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
