and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
