um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
