thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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