why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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