I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize