In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
