It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
