I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
