Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
