literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
