Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
