Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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