I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
