Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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