I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
