That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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