Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
