he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
