All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
