Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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